"...There's plenty of gas in the tank. Look at this neck."

OVIEDO, SPAIN—Two-time world champion Fernando Alonso has finally announced plans for what fans have been dreading: a rough idea of when he'll retire. The answer? A clear indication that he’s just getting started.

“Yeah, I think maybe sometime around the year 3000,” Alonso said with a trademark casual shrug during a press conference ahead of the Miami Grand Prix. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

The statement comes after nearly two decades of Alonso refusing to slow down, despite being older than several of his competitors’ parents. At 43, the Aston Martin driver continues to outperform younger teammates, grow his neck, outlast multiple engine suppliers, and ignore all reasonable signs that it’s time to go enjoy a vineyard somewhere.

“I mean, why would I retire?” Alonso asked. “I still feel like I'm 30. There's plenty of gas in the tank. Look at this neck. LOOK AT IT.”

Teammates, rivals, and team personnel are reportedly starting to accept that Alonso may, in fact, be immortal. “I used to think he’d be done after his McLaren years,” said fellow driver Sergio Pérez. “Now I’m starting to believe he’ll still be around while I’m driving for Cadillac.”

Sources close to the FIA have confirmed that contingency plans are being drafted for a future where Alonso races against synthetic drivers, hovercars, or possibly his own AI clone—since he’s clearly not going anywhere.

“He’s already raced in nearly every era of Formula 1—from refueling stops to hybrid powertrains. He’s even done IndyCar,” said Sky Sports analyst Ted Kravitz. “At this point, it’s just a matter of when he takes the wheel of the first F1 car powered by plutonium.”

Aston Martin has declined to confirm any future contract extensions, but team principal Mike Krack admitted, “He hasn’t aged in five years. The doctors say he’s in better shape than Lance.”

Alonso’s fans, meanwhile, are thrilled. “The longer he stays, the longer I can believe I still have a chance in F1,” said long-time supporter Javi Perez. “Also, I hate Lance Stroll, and Alonso scares him.”

As for Alonso, he seems entirely unbothered by the questions. “I’ll stop when I’m slow,” he said. “Or when Schumacher makes a return. Whichever comes last.”

At this rate, Fernando Alonso won’t just be remembered as one of the sport’s greatest drivers—he’ll be its first zombie pilot.

Because when everyone else retires, Alonso simply strengthens his neck and keeps going.