"Something big, beautiful, and preferably red—like my voters," he says.

PALM BEACH—Citing “extreme boredom” and a desire to distract everyone from the current headlines, Donald Trump has reportedly reached out to the Qatari royal family with a request—since they were so generous before: if they have any Ferraris they’re no longer using, he’d be willing to take one—or many—off their hands.

“I love the plane—tremendous plane—but sometimes I need something more Ferrari-ish,” Trump said during an impromptu press conference held in the middle of a Mar-a-Lago golf hole. “It’s about the American people. If you want to show strength, the leader should drive something that shows speed, class, dominance. You know, like me. There’s nothing more American than me.”

Sources close to Trump say the idea came to him after watching a TikTok of a Qatari teenager doing donuts in a LaFerrari outside a Dubai mall. “He thought Ferraris must flow like water over there if that’s how they treat them,” one aide confessed. “Now he’s convinced they’re going to give him—um, err, I mean America—like four new Ferraris.”

The Qatari government, long accustomed to openly bribing Western figures, reportedly received the inquiry via a handwritten letter stapled to a McDonald’s napkin. The note simply read: “Big fan. Love the oil. Thanks for the plane. Got any red Ferraries? No hybrids. Yours truly, 45.”

When asked why he specifically targeted Qatar, Trump was characteristically blunt. “They’ve got cars stacked like pancakes over there. Oil money. Camels. Very fast people. And they already gave America—not me—a plane. I figured they wouldn’t have a problem with this. The American people only need one—unless they’ve got a matching pair.”

Auto industry insiders say the move makes a strange kind of sense. “He doesn’t want a Ferrari because he understands the engineering,” said analyst Brooke Daniels. “He wants it because he’s insecure and doesn’t know how to actually show strength. It fits the Trump brand perfectly.”

Critics have raised concerns over what Trump might do with such a car. “I don’t think he knows presidents aren’t allowed to drive,” said former White House staffer Kevin Lee. “Also, if it doesn’t come with a cupholder big enough for a 44 oz. Diet Coke, he’s not going to use it. Does he even fit in it?”

Despite uncertainty around Qatar’s response, Trump remains confident. “They love me,” he said. “Everyone loves me. I’m very big in the Middle East—bigger than the pyramids, probably. I might even drive the Ferrari to a peace summit—for the American people, of course.”

As of press time, Trump was seen browsing listings on Bring a Trailer and loudly asking aides whether “Testarossa” was Italian for “Testosterone.”