BARCELONA—Aston Martin reserve drivers Felipe Drugovich and Stoffel Vandoorne gathered to publicly “thank” Lance Stroll for doing the “honorable” thing—completing qualifying before promptly withdrawing from the Spanish Grand Prix, thus ensuring neither of them gets to race.

“I really wish him a speedy recovery,” said Vandoorne while winking suspiciously. “He really powered through Q1 and Q2 just enough to block both of us from driving. That’s sure commitment to team goals.”

Felipe Drugovich, meanwhile, brought a small cake with the words ‘Get Well Soon-ish’ piped on top in green frosting. “It’s amazing, really,” he said, patting the seat of the now-sidelined AMR25. “Lance went out there, risked it all, qualified 14th, and stopped just in time. I don’t want to say this feels intentional, so I won't, but you know.”

Formula 1 regulations clearly state that once a driver participates in qualifying, the car is locked in with that driver. If said driver later withdraws—say, with a mysteriously-timed flare-up of a cycling injury—no substitution is allowed. Aston Martin, thus, will field only one car for Sunday’s race, piloted by Fernando Alonso, who was last seen muttering to himself while polishing his sunglasses.

“We support Lance’s decision,” said a visibly exhausted Aston Martin spokesperson. “He communicated his pain clearly after qualifying, before qualifying he didn't say anything, but after it was very clear.”

The tension has reportedly created an awkward vibe in the paddock. Team personnel overheard Vandoorne telling mechanics, “Don’t worry, I’ll just sit here in full race gear for no reason. I can use my imagination.” Drugovich, on the other hand, was caught practicing interviews in the mirror, repeatedly saying, “First of all, I’d like to thank the team for the opportunity I never got.”

When asked if they’d be ready to step in for future races, both drivers responded in unison: “Of course. We were ready to step into this one.”

As for Lance Stroll, sources say he’s recovering comfortably and has zero risk of letting a reserve driver feel important.

Meanwhile, the reserve driver seat at Aston Martin remains the most well-compensated way to experience deep personal disappointment in motorsport.