"We’re not here to interact..."

IRVINE—Local man Daniel Álvarez achieved his lifelong dream this past Sunday when he attended Cars & Coffee, did a lap, stood around for nearly two hours without saying much, and then left.

“It was everything I hoped it would be,” said Álvarez, proudly sipping now-cold coffee from a paper cup. “I parked, I walked around aimlessly for a bit, I nodded at some engines, and then I left. Perfect morning.”

Álvarez, 36, has reportedly been preparing for this moment since high school, when he first saw a photo of three men in cargo shorts standing around a Corvette. “That’s when I knew,” he recalled. “One day, that would be me.”

Sources confirm that Álvarez arrived promptly at 6:47 a.m.—as any true enthusiast does—with no plan to talk to anyone. “I just kind of hovered near a GT3 for a while,” he explained. “I nodded at the owner. He nodded back. That’s what it’s about.”

Attendees say Álvarez is a classically trained car enthusiast: a slow lap around the lot, a brief stare at a car close to yours but just a little bit better, and the traditional expression of “That’s clean.” He then stood in place for 34 straight minutes, silently guarding his car like hired security.

“He didn’t say much, but that’s the vibe,” said fellow attendee Mark Castillo. “We’re not here to interact. We’re here to radiate vague judgment and cycle our car batteries.”

According to eyewitnesses, Álvarez actually did talk to a few people. “He asked me where I got my wheels,” said one attendee. “He was also overheard saying, ‘Yeah, that’s mine over there.’”

Experts say this kind of fulfillment is common among enthusiasts. “Cars & Coffee isn’t about cars or coffee,” explained automotive sociologist Dr. Elena Mora. “It’s about standing around, standing near your hood, achieving nothing, and calling it ‘hard parked.’”

Álvarez’s only regret? “I should’ve peed before I got there,” he admitted. “The coffee shop charged to use the bathroom.”

As the meet wrapped up and everyone left without saying goodbye, Álvarez walked back to his Corolla with a full heart and an empty bladder. “I finally did it,” he said, staring into the middle distance. “I lived the dream.”

He is expected to return next weekend to do it all over again—this time bringing a chair he won’t use.