"We engineer for speed, not... volume,” says team spokesperson.

WOKING—McLaren Racing has formally denied recent rumors that Donald Trump would be testing one of their Formula 1 cars, citing what engineers are calling a “non-negotiable cockpit geometry issue.”

“Let me be clear,” said McLaren team principal Andrea Stella. “We are committed to pushing the limits of performance, technology, and innovation. But there are limits. And one of those is how much total president can fit into 1.6 cubic meters of carbon fiber.”

The rumor reportedly started when Trump, during a fundraising golf tournament, claimed he’d been invited by McLaren to “bring some real American horsepower to the grid.” Witnesses say he pointed at a golf cart mid-sentence.

“They asked me to drive it,” Trump insisted later in a Truth Social post. “Very prestigious. They said I’d be the best driver—tremendous feel, tremendous downforce. I would’ve been faster than all of them, even the ones with the names I can’t pronounce.”

McLaren’s denial was swift—and specific.

“Our cockpits are precision-engineered to accommodate elite athletes with body fat percentages below the legal limit for airport yogurt,” said spokesperson Alana Weaver. “While we make accommodations for height and torso ratios, we simply cannot account for… extravagant volume.”

According to team insiders, an internal simulation attempt using Trump’s dimensions immediately triggered a safety warning that read, “Incompatible mass detected: please re-enter driver.” Another computer simply crashed and has not rebooted since.

Despite the technical impossibility, Trump remains defiant. “I would’ve made it fit,” he said during an interview on conservative radio. “I fit in everything. Planes, boats, golden elevators. You don’t need a small cockpit—you need a strong driver. I would’ve finished first, believe me.”

McLaren engineers reportedly did explore alternative solutions, including removing the halo device, half the dashboard, and the laws of physics—but ultimately concluded that “girth and F1 do not mix.”

As of press time, Trump was seen watching an onboard lap of Lando Norris and yelling, “They’re nasty! I could very easily drive like that—some say I’m the best driver.”