"If you're about the car culture, you go to the streets,” he growled

HOLLYWOOD—After years of blowing up banks, outrunning tanks, and redefining the laws of physics, Fast & Furious star Vin Diesel has announced the franchise is “going back to its roots”—by street racing… in outer space.

“It’s about the streets,” Diesel said at a press conference hosted by Tyrese, who was very happy to have a job. “That’s why we’re taking them where no street has ever gone before: the final frontier.”

The next installment, Fast: Lunar Grip, will reportedly follow Dominic Toretto and his increasingly invincible family as they race muscle cars across a sprawling drag strip built on the dark side of the moon. While no one quite explained how to get asphalt up there—or how they can race in zero gravity—insiders say the tone will be “very grounded—except for the part where they're not on the ground.”

“We’re honoring the legacy,” said director Justin Lin, holding a script printed on carbon fiber. “It’s about the heart of car culture. It’s about street racing. It’s about committing crimes. It’s about Dom bringing family to alien life forms.”

Early plot leaks suggest the story centers around a mysterious alien syndicate that challenges Dom to a race for control of the galaxy. The stakes? The fate of Earth—and the last six-pack of Corona.

“This is what it was always building to,” said Tyrese Gibson, who’s been screaming in space since F9. “People laughed when we strapped rockets to a Pontiac Fiero. But now we’re astronauts. Real-life astronauts.”

The film will feature zero-gravity drag racing, space parachutes, and what producers are calling “the loudest engine noises ever recorded in the vacuum of space.”

NASA, while not officially involved, has expressed mild concern. “You can’t put streets in space,” said Dr. Lila Tran of the Jet Propulsion Lab. “Also, cars don’t work in space. You can’t even shift gears while spinning at 17,000 mph.” Diesel reportedly responded by flexing and growling at Tran.

As production begins on Lunar Grip, critics wonder if The Rock will appear in the latest installment. When asked, Diesel stated, “No comment. Stop talking about that guy, damn. It’s always Rock Rock Rock with you.”

In the meantime, Universal Studios is reportedly developing a line of Dom Toretto space helmets—complete with bald spot ventilation and a built-in button that just says “family.”