"...he asked for the exact same salary we pay Max."

NÜRBURG—Red Bull Racing has announced that Franz Hermann, an unknown talent who recently stunned team principal Christian Horner during a secret Nürburgring test, will replace four-time world champion Max Verstappen for the upcoming Grand Prix.

The chain of events began when Hermann, an unassuming sim racing enthusiast, showed up at the Nürburgring with a rented BMW M3. Despite having no racing pedigree, he set shockingly fast lap times, overtaking high-end sports cars while casually eating a bratwurst and adjusting his rearview mirror. Christian Horner, who happened to be at the circuit for a “management retreat” (which some suspect was just a mandated HR seminar), couldn’t help but notice.

“He was doing things with an M3 that defied physics,” Horner recalled. “So, naturally, we pulled him aside and asked if he’d be interested in testing something a bit faster.”

Hermann was promptly placed in a Ferrari 296 GT3 for a private test session. What was supposed to be a low-stakes evaluation quickly turned into a spectacle. Hermann not only adapted to the GT3 car instantly but also set a lap time faster than several professional drivers who had spent their careers mastering the track.

“It’s not that hard,” Hermann explained. “I just go fast. Tu-tu-du-du Franz Hermann.”

Stunned by the display, Horner immediately offered Hermann a seat in the Red Bull Formula 1 team. “We didn’t even bother asking about his racing history. The way he handled the 296 GT3 was enough. The weird part was that he asked for the exact same salary we pay Max,” Horner added.

The announcement has sent shockwaves through the motorsport world. Some have suggested that Verstappen’s sudden departure is part of a team prank orchestrated by Yuki Tsunoda, while others believe the Dutch driver is simply taking a break to keep things interesting. Verstappen himself posted a cryptic message on social media: “You’re fast enough, but are you cold enough? Good luck with Piastri, Franz.” The post has already been liked by four million fans and shared by his father, Jos Verstappen, with the caption, “See you at the gas station.”

Hermann, who had never driven a single-seater before, has reportedly been given a crash course on F1 basics. “It’s a bit like Mario Kart, right? Just more expensive?” he asked engineers during his first simulator session. When told about DRS, he nodded and responded, “Is that like a turbo button?”

Team engineers were scrambling to adjust the RB21 to suit Hermann’s driving style, but he asked them to stop, simply stating, “It’s fine as is. Trust me.” Red Bull is also reportedly scouting other drivers from the same track day, given Hermann’s iconic Nürburgring performance.

FIA President Mohammed Ben Sulayem expressed cautious optimism. “It’s not every day we see a driver go from a track day in an M3 to an F1 car in a week. But if this works out, I’ll be at the Nürburgring next week with a stopwatch. Unless Sainz Sr. foils my plans. Dammit, Sainz!”

As the Grand Prix approaches, all eyes are on Franz Hermann. Can his Nürburgring magic carry over to the pinnacle of motorsport? Or will his meteoric rise end in a spectacular crash?

“I’m just here to win,” Hermann grinned, already practicing pushing people off the track. “I still don’t know what DRS does, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I’m 100% sure.”