"Mass will be on Sunday, Sunday, Sundayyyy!"

VATICAN CITY—The conclave has concluded, electing Cardinal Robert Prevost, who has taken the name Pope Leo XIV. As the first American pope in history, Pope Leo XIV wasted no time making his mark on the Vatican. His first order? Replacing the traditional Popemobile with the iconic Grave Digger.

The decision was announced just hours after white smoke billowed from the Sistine Chapel, signaling his election. Papal aides were reportedly stunned when the newly elected pope ordered the massive, flame-painted monster truck to be retrofitted with bulletproof glass and a throne-like seat—ensuring his papal security while maintaining "maximum divine power."

"It’s time to bring some American spirit to this ancient institution," declared Pope Leo XIV, waving a checkered flag from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica. "Faith is about overcoming obstacles—and there’s no better metaphor than driving over a row of parked cars with 1,500 horsepower."

Vatican spokesperson Cardinal Roberto Bellini attempted to put a positive spin on the controversial decision. "The Holy Father simply wishes to modernize and energize the faith," Bellini explained. "He believes that nothing communicates divine power quite like a truck capable of leaping over the Rosary stand in the Vatican gift shop."

Reactions among the faithful have been mixed. "I’ve never seen a Popemobile with a skull painted on it before," said Sister Maria Rosetta, watching the Grave Digger’s test drive in St. Peter’s Square. "But I suppose if it brings the youth back to the Church, who am I to judge?"

Critics, however, have raised concerns about the environmental impact of a monster truck as a papal vehicle. "This is sacrilege against Mother Earth," declared Father Giancarlo Montesi, an advocate for green initiatives in the Church. "His Holiness should lead by example, not by doing donuts and backflips in the square."

Pope Leo XIV remains undeterred. Sources close to the Vatican reveal he is already planning his first international tour—dubbed the "Faith Crusher World Tour"—where the Grave Digger Popemobile will make appearances at various religious sites, performing jumps and crushing replicas of heretical texts.

"God moves in mysterious ways," said the new pope, now known as the "Pontiff of Power." "But my ways are loud, fast, and fuel-injected. And just a reminder, Mass will be on Sunday, Sunday, Sundayyyy!"