Just quit now

LOS ANGELES—Researchers at the leading Useless Technicals Institute (UTI) have confirmed why your fantasy team is putting up single-digit points every week: F1 Fantasy is the easiest way to discover you don’t know shit about racing.

“Our data is clear,” explained lead researcher Dr. Emily Harris. “Participants who claimed to have ‘vast motorsport knowledge’ were instantly humbled by their F1 Fantasy results. The confidence-to-humiliation ratio was off the charts.”

The study tracked 19,000 F1 Fantasy players over the 2024 and 2025 seasons, monitoring their initial confidence, mid-season frustration, and eventual realization that they're a complete disappointment. Researchers noted a pattern of players making bold, confident picks—selecting “underdog drivers” or betting on “unpredictable weather strategies”—only to watch their total points look like a car enthusiast's bank account—after the overdraft fees.

“I thought I knew racing,” admitted Fantasy nerd Josue Perez. “I was like, ‘Oh, Ferrari’s got this one.’ Turns out, they had a pit stop strategy designed specifically to ruin my fantasy chances. I thought about quitting halfway through the season. I should have quit.”

According to the UTI report, the most common phrases recorded from F1 Fantasy players included, “Why did I trust Alpine?” and “How does George Russell keep finishing on the podium? He’s not even on the broadcast.” Researchers found that over 90% of players experienced a steep decline in self-esteem after watching their once-promising fantasy team implode by the first race.

“We’re not surprised,” said Dr. Harris. “The reality is, the closer you think you are to understanding Formula 1, the faster it teaches you that you have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on. The sport’s unpredictability is unmatched—unless you’re betting on Ferrari to self-destruct. That’s basically a safe bet.”

Notably, the UTI study also revealed that F1 Fantasy players who stuck to choosing at random outperformed those who used advanced analytics or tried to mimic team strategies. “Turns out, blind luck is better than trying to outsmart a sport where drivers are swapped like Pokémon cards,” Dr. Harris explained.

As the 2026 F1 season approaches, researchers warn that the same mistakes will likely be made again. “People will keep thinking they’ve figured it out,” said Dr. Harris. “They’ll draft Franco Colapinto because ‘he’s a new hotshot,’ or put all their chips on Aston Martin—only for Lance Stroll to Lance Stroll.”

Despite the crushing disappointment, players continue setting up their F1 Fantasy teams, convinced they’ve learned from their mistakes. They haven’t.

“F1 Fantasy is the world’s greatest teacher,” Dr. Harris concluded. “It’s like going to a casino—things might look good at the beginning, but then you lose your house, your wife divorces you, and everything falls apart—just like Ferrari’s strategy team.”