"...even when the wheels are literally falling off their dreams."

DETROIT—A new study has revealed that car enthusiasts are the happiest financially struggling group in the world, consistently smiling more than any other broke population. The study, conducted by the Useless Technicals Institute, surveyed thousands of car enthusiasts who somehow maintain a relentless sense of joy despite owning multiple project cars, maxed-out credit cards, and a savings account that looks like a fuel gauge on empty.

“We were shocked by the results,” said Dr. Emily Sanchez, the lead researcher. “We expected some level of happiness, sure, but the sheer joy radiating from people with cars that haven’t run since the Obama administration was off the charts. It turns out that even crushing financial despair can’t compete with the excitement of a new cold air intake or hearing a cold start after jumping the battery.”

According to the study, car enthusiasts are 73% more likely to smile while talking about their vehicles than they are while discussing their bank accounts, their jobs, or their significant others. In some cases, subjects were found to have an involuntary smile response simply by hearing words like “turbo,” “track day,” or “dyno run.”

“Honestly, it’s like a coping mechanism,” explained Marcos Ramirez, who currently owns four cars—three of which are on jack stands in his driveway. “Every time I hear the engine fire up, I forget that I spent my bill money on car stuff over the last two months. I mean, you can always pay your bills, but a new engine build? That’s priceless.”

Psychologists believe this phenomenon is linked to a condition they have dubbed “enthusiast euphoria,” a state of irrational joy triggered by the smell of burning oil, the sound of a BOV (blow-off valve), or the simple act of scrolling through used car listings for vehicles they cannot afford.

“Car enthusiasts don’t see problems—they see projects,” said Dr. Sanchez. “And that mindset allows them to maintain an unrealistic level of optimism, even when the wheels are literally falling off their dreams.”

The study also noted that car enthusiasts experience temporary bursts of extreme happiness whenever they convince themselves they’re getting a good deal on a used car, only to return to their baseline stress level when that car arrives in worse condition than their "inspection" originally suggested.

“I mean, who needs financial stability?” laughed Vanessa Gutierrez, a 27-year-old who just traded her reliable daily driver for a rusted 1992 Mazda RX-7 that doesn’t start. “My friends are saving for retirement, but they’ll never know the thrill of holding a freshly powder-coated valve cover.”

As the study makes waves in the scientific community, some experts are calling for more research to understand the connection between happiness and poor financial decisions. But for now, one thing is clear: car enthusiasts may be broke, but their smiles aren’t.