"It’s the best thing the state’s done since… well, ever."

BISMARCK—North Dakota has officially raised its interstate speed limit to 80 miles per hour, citing the need to help residents escape the state more efficiently. The new law, which takes effect immediately, has been described as a "public service" by state officials who say they are simply responding to the harsh realities of living in North Dakota.

“Look, we get it,” said Governor Doug Burgum at a press conference. “The winters are brutal, the summers are relentless, and the closest thing we have to nightlife is watching a tumbleweed blow across an empty parking lot. We figured, why make it hard for people to leave?”

The new speed limit applies to all major interstates, including I-94 and I-29, which now feature signs reading “80 MPH—Or As Fast As You Can!” State troopers, meanwhile, have reportedly been instructed to only pull over vehicles traveling above “escape velocity,” which they have loosely defined as anything above 130 mph.

“It’s about safety, too,” explained North Dakota State Patrol spokesperson Sergeant Mark Reilly. “Studies show that the faster you can leave North Dakota, the less likely you are to get stuck here.”

Local residents have responded with a mix of excitement and relief. “I’ve lived here my whole life, and I thought I was never going to make it out,” said longtime resident Lisa Mendoza. “But now, with the speed limit at 80, I feel like freedom is just a pedal away. It’s the best thing the state’s done since… well, ever.”

Not everyone is thrilled, however. Tourism officials have voiced concerns that the new speed limit could hurt North Dakota’s economy, which relies heavily on visitors who accidentally drive through on their way to literally anywhere else. “We’re already struggling to get people to visit,” said tourism director Clara Henderson. “And now we’re basically telling them, ‘Drive faster, please don’t stop.’”

But Governor Burgum remains undeterred. “If anything, this will boost tourism,” he argued. “We’re marketing North Dakota as an extreme sport. Drive fast, see the plains, and try to leave before you question your life choices. It’s an adventure.”

The state is even considering installing digital billboards at the borders displaying real-time updates on how many cars have successfully left in the past hour, along with cheerful messages like, “You Made It! Don’t Look Back.”

As news of the increased speed limit spreads, North Dakota has seen a sudden surge in rental car reservations, with many residents reportedly planning to test just how fast they can get the fuck out.

At press time, neighboring South Dakota was reportedly considering a countermeasure: a “Minimum Speed Limit” of 100 mph for anyone trying to re-enter from the north.