"That’s me, bro—I just can’t move my eyebrows anymore," says man with car that was towed.

PHOENIX—36-year-old Trent Stephens had his car impounded this week after police officers could not confirm that his current, hyper-chiseled but immobile face belonged to the doughy man in his driver’s license photo.

“I know I don’t look the same, but that’s kind of the point,” said Stephens, whose jawline is now sharp enough to open Amazon packages. “You’re telling me I can’t drive just because I’m fly as fuck now?”

Police were less enthusiastic. “The ID said ‘Trent,’ but the face said ‘Life in plastic, it’s fantastic,’” said Officer Corey Watson. “I asked him to raise his eyebrows like in the photo, and he said he couldn’t anymore.”

According to eyewitnesses, Stephens attempted to prove his identity by flexing and pulling up old gym selfies, none of which were helpful, as his face had slowly evolved from “dad at a barbecue” to “America’s Got Talent host.”

“This is becoming more common,” said police spokesperson Helen DuBois. “Some men are chasing youth, but most of the time it’s just people with the emotional range of a painted rock. We’ve had to start scanning fingerprints.”

Experts say this is part of a broader trend known as Masculine Refinement Syndrome—where men use injectables and fillers to sculpt a face that looks like it’s constantly being lit by a ring light.

“It’s not about vanity,” said Dr. Vincent Reyes, a cosmetic surgeon specializing in men’s enhancements. “It’s about confidence. And looking like your jaw was forged in a lab. I can do the procedures in, like, 15 minutes now. And yes, I take Bitcoin.”

Stephens, however, remains undeterred. “I’ll just go get a new license photo,” he said. “But first I have another procedure scheduled—and another one three months after that. Eventually, I’ll get the photo updated. Or maybe… I’ll just get a driver. Whatever it takes.”

In the meantime, police are considering new protocols—like asking men to bring someone who knew them before the glow-up, or a GIF of their old face morphing into the new one.