"Alcantara demands reverence..."

IRVINE—Chaos erupted at a local Cars & Coffee this past Sunday when the alcantara steering wheel of a 2023 BMW M4 disintegrated into a fine, black powder after its owner, Jacob Morales, committed the ultimate sin: driving barehanded.

“I knew I was pushing the limits of what this alcantara could handle,” admitted Morales, staring in disbelief at the skeletal remains of his once-pristine wheel. “But I didn’t think just one trip without gloves would vaporize it. I mean, it was only a 12-minute drive. How was I supposed to sip my latte and wear gloves?”

The incident has sparked outrage among enthusiasts, who view alcantara care as sacred. “It’s disrespectful, plain and simple,” said local car detailer Sophie Martin. “Alcantara demands reverence. If you’re not willing to wear gloves or at least wipe your hands with an artisanal microfiber towel every 2 minutes, then you don’t deserve it.”

Eyewitnesses report that Morales’s steering wheel began to show signs of distress as he pulled into the parking lot. By the time he parked, the material had already fallen apart. “It was like watching someone’s dignity evaporate in real-time,” said fellow attendee Mark Simpson. “One moment it was there, and the next, it was a tragic cautionary tale.”

Morales now faces the daunting task of replacing the wheel, which BMW has quoted at $3,200, plus a $500 “lack of glove etiquette” surcharge. Despite the financial hit, he remains defiant. “Next time, I’ll just use the gloves,” he said.

Meanwhile, alcantara enthusiasts have taken to social media to advocate for better education on proper maintenance, reminding everyone that “owning alcantara is a privilege, not a right.”.