PALM BEACH—In yet another unhinged post, Donald Trump has continued spiraling over the collapse of his highly visible bromance with Elon Musk.

“DROVE TESLER TRUCK ELON GAVE ME BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY LOVES ME AND EVERYTHING IS NOT COMPUTER,”

Trump posted at 3:47 a.m., accompanied by a blurry photo of a Cybertruck parked on what appears to be a golf course.

The post comes just days after reports surfaced of a falling-out between the two man babies, fueled by disagreements over who should get rich off the American people first, who gets to be on Rogan more, and which one of them is the better grifter.

Elon Musk, never one to shy away from a messy public statement, responded quickly. “I only gave him the Cybertruck because they’re for douchebags,” Musk said on X while wearing a cowboy hat made of lithium. “He fits the target market perfectly.”

Insiders say Trump took the breakup hard, repeatedly referring to Musk as “the best African-American I ever hired” before correcting himself and blaming the media for the fallout. “Elon told me I’m like if space was a person. That’s love,” Trump reportedly told aides. “You don’t just forget that kind of science.”

The saga took another twist when Barron Trump, 19, issued a statement of his own: “So does this mean I’m not getting my free Cybertruck anymore? That was kind of the only reason I told my friends to invest in Dogecoin.” Sources close to the youngest Trump say he’s “devastated” and has stopped pretending to act like he loves his father.

While the public dissects every word of Trump’s caps-locked love letter, Cybertruck owners across the country are left wondering what exactly they’ve bought into.

“Elon said these trucks were the future,” said local driver Chad Simmons. “But now I’m questioning everything. If Trump thinks it’s not computer… what is it?”

As the dust settles, both Trump and Musk are expected to move on to new ventures designed to exploit America’s citizens. Trump is rumored to be launching another scam coin called “TeslerCoin,” while Musk has teased buying the presidency of another government.

What’s clear is that in the ever-shifting landscape of billionaire friendships, nothing is sacred—except, perhaps, the binding power of a hideous stainless-steel wedge.