"Some people paint. Some people sing. I hold my gas pedal down..."

FONTANA—Bravely acknowledging his standing in society, 26-year-old Arman Sarkissian, known locally as “That Rev Guy,” has finally addressed the accusations hurled at him every weekend in the parking lots of SoCal car meets.

“I don’t care that I’m a loser,” Sarkissian said, wiping sweat from his brow after holding his VQ35DE at 6,000 RPM for three straight minutes while parked. “People can say what they want. I know deep down they love it, and I’m proud of that.”

Witnesses say Sarkissian was once again doing what he does best—revving his Nissan 350Z in neutral while leaning on the door with sunglasses on—when the crowd began shouting, “What the fuck?” and “Who invited this guy?”

“I yelled, ‘Shut the fuck up!’ and he just stared at me like I was the problem,” said meet attendee Tyler Sanchez. “His car was just sitting there screaming while everyone else was trying to have conversations.”

Sarkissian remains unmoved. “Revving is a form of expression,” he explained. “Some people paint. Some people sing. I hold my gas pedal down in a strip mall parking lot next to a Panda Express. It’s called art.”

Psychologists aren’t so sure. “Revving while parked is often a cry for help,” said Dr. Natalie Cruz. “It stems from deep-rooted insecurities and the inability to make meaningful contributions to a group setting. It’s like peacocking, but louder and somehow sadder.”

Despite mounting criticism, Sarkissian insists he’s doing a public service. “Some people don’t know what raw power sounds like,” he said. “So I show them. Over and over again. At full volume. If you really ask them, they’ll tell you they love it.”

His fellow meet-goers are less convinced. “I saw everyone back away from him in shame while snickering,” said one anonymous Mustang owner. “That should tell you everything.”

According to witnesses, Sarkissian owns several GoPro mounts but no actual GoPros. He has never been seen driving above 35 miles per hour or entering a track, but he does have four Instagram accounts—each followed only by family—dedicated to videos of cold starts.

When asked if he had any plans to take the car out on a proper drive, Sarkissian scoffed. “For what? The parking lot is my canvas. The limiter is my brush. I’m not here to race—I’m here to influence.”

For now, to everyone’s disappointment, Sarkissian remains a fixture at local meets, his stock exhaust echoing across plazas with boba shops as everyone silently agrees to park farther away from him next week.