Also introducing a subscription service called ‘Pure Shift’ for an additional $49.99 a month

MARANELLO—Blending cutting-edge technology with real-driver nostalgia, Ferrari has announced that its upcoming line of electric vehicles (EVs) will feature fake shifters—because, as the company put it, “automatics are lame.”

“Our customers have spoken,” said Ferrari’s Chief of Emotion Simulation, Marco Rossi. “They want that raw feeling of shifting a gated shifter like a real driver—a purist. So we’re delivering a revolutionary innovation: a completely pointless shifter that gives you the illusion you’re better than other drivers on the road. It’s the future of driving.”

The fake shifter, officially dubbed the ‘Anti Auto,’ will be a standard feature in all Ferrari EVs starting in 2026. Unlike traditional gear selectors, which are mechanically linked to the transmission, the Anti Auto is purely decorative. Moving it does absolutely nothing except trigger the sound of a high-revving engine—delivered through the car’s premium speaker system, giving drivers a taste of the good ol’ days.

Early adopters of Ferrari’s EVs are reportedly thrilled. “This is exactly what I needed,” said local enthusiast Giorgio Bianchi, who recently preordered the upcoming Ferrari Folgore. “I’ve always loved the feeling of shifting gears, but without the threat of stalling or actually having to know how to drive.”

Critics, however, are less enthusiastic. “This is peak automotive absurdity,” said automotive journalist Clara Hernandez. “It’s like putting a rotary phone in a… well, a Ferrari. But then again, Ferrari buyers are known for spending more than necessary on things they don’t need.”

Ferrari’s engineering team has gone to great lengths to ensure the fake shifter provides a realistic experience. “We studied the weight, resistance, and sound of our most iconic gated manuals,” explained Rossi. “The clack of the lever, the slight resistance—it’s all there, except it’s completely meaningless.”

The company is also introducing a subscription service called ‘Pure Shift’ for an additional $49.99 a month, which will allow owners to customize the sound of their fake shifts. Available options include classic V12, aggressive V8, and the ever-popular “More Than You Can Afford, Pal” mode.

As Ferrari prepares to roll out its nonsense shifter technology, other manufacturers are reportedly taking note. Industry insiders suggest that Porsche is already developing a ‘Manual Mode’ for its electric lineup, where drivers can press a clutch pedal that does absolutely nothing—but with adjustable resistance, so that’s cool.

“Automotive history is a blend of innovation and delusion,” said Rossi. “And we are proud to lead the way in both.”