"I saw Vin Diesel, and he somehow looks more Vin Diesely than ever..."

HOLLYWOOD—A man claiming to be a time traveler has emerged with a dire warning for humanity: "Vin Diesel is on his way to his 69th Fast movie!" This shocking revelation has sent ripples of disbelief and concern throughout society, prompting questions about the future of cinema and civilization as we know it.

The time traveler, who insists on remaining anonymous for fear of altering the course of history, recounted his encounter with Vin Diesel in the future. "I saw Vin Diesel, and he somehow looks more Vin Diesely than ever," he explained. "But what's truly alarming is that he's alive and still making Fast movies. It's led to the worst deterioration of society since the advent of social media."

Indeed, the prospect of Vin Diesel continuing to churn out Fast and Furious films well into the future raises unsettling questions about the state of entertainment and cultural stagnation. With each new installment in the franchise, the boundaries of plausibility are stretched to their limits, leaving audiences with their heads literally exploding in their seats.

As news of the time traveler's warning spreads, reactions from the public vary from incredulity to resignation. "I never thought I'd live to see the day when Vin Diesel starred in his 69th Fast movie," remarked one moviegoer. "But if it means the end of civilization as we know it, maybe it's time to do something about Vin Diesel, if you know what I mean…"

The implications of Vin Diesel's seemingly endless tenure as the face of the Fast franchise are profound and far-reaching. From the cars in space to CGI biceps, the impact on both cinema and society cannot be overstated.

As humanity grapples with the grim prophecy of Vin Diesel's cinematic dominance, the future of entertainment hangs in the balance, and only time will tell if we can break free from the relentless grip of the Fast and Furious franchise.

*Update: Attempts to reach the action star for comment have hit a roadblock. Requests for clarification from Diesel were met with nonsense sent by Jason Momoa.