New DUI Prevention Service Requires You to Beat a Third-Degree Black Belt to Drive Your Car Home
August 17, 2024

"If you don't actually possess the ability to drive, your abilities won’t stand a chance.”

NEW YORK—A new and unconventional DUI prevention service, Blackbelt DUI, has emerged, promising to keep roads safer by challenging those trying to drive under the influence. The service requires individuals to fight—and defeat—a 10th-degree black belt before being allowed to drive their car home.


The concept  is simple: if you’ve had too much to drink, the only way you’re getting behind the wheel is by outmatching a martial arts master. The idea is to have the driver demonstrate the necessary amount of physical skill required to drive their car home safely.


“We wanted to create a service that not only keeps drunk drivers off the road but also gives them a memorable reason to avoid putting themselves in that situation,” said Marcus Starkes, the founder of Blackbelt DUI. “Facing off against a 10th-degree black belt is no easy feat. If you don't actually possess the ability to drive, your abilities won’t stand a chance.”


The service has already seen some early adopters. One user, who wished to remain anonymous, recounted his experience: “I was in a coma for 3 weeks and have early on-set CTE and I will never drive drunk again. Drunk drive? Drive drunk? They both work huh. Hah, would you look at that.”


Critics have raised concerns about the service. Local Resident, Christina Santos, shared her concern, “Are you going to notify us when the fights start? This is going to bring back world star!”

More Recent News

By Jonnathan Perez April 29, 2025
AICHI, JAPAN—After years of online bullying, internal doubt, and “Z4 in a Halloween costume” memes, the Toyota Supra has finally opened up about its long-overdue emotional breakthrough.
By Jonnathan Perez April 28, 2025
MARANELLO, ITALY—In a scandal that has sent shockwaves through the Tifosi and led to plates of linguine being angrily slammed onto terrazzo floors, Lewis Hamilton’s relationship with Ferrari has reportedly hit a snag—after he was photographed putting pineapple on a pizza during a team dinner in Modena.
By Jonnathan Perez April 26, 2025
CLEVELAND, OH—A highly anticipated experimental surgery designed to help car guys remember each other’s actual names—rather than just their cars—has officially failed all clinical trials, according to a report released this week by the Useless Technicals Institute.
Show More

THE SHOP

EMAIL:
info@ninetyoneoctane.com

TEXT:
(424) 259-2428‬

S T A Y  T U N E D