"...go-karting by age three, Formula 4 by age nine, and world champion by 13."

MILTON KEYNES—Red Bull Racing has wasted no time in securing the future of its Formula 1 dynasty, announcing a groundbreaking deal this week by signing Max Verstappen’s newborn daughter, Lily, to a lifetime contract. The move, described by the team as a “proactive investment in the next generation” and “something similar to what the Lakers did with Bronny,” has already left the motorsport world in shock and awe, with many saying, “I get it.”

“We’ve seen the potential in this family,” said Red Bull team principal Christian Horner, addressing the media. “Max is already a four-time world champion, and Kelly Piquet’s family is practically a racing dynasty. By signing Lily now, we’re making sure she doesn’t end up in a Mercedes 20 years from now.”

The decision was made mere hours after Lily’s birth, with Red Bull representatives reportedly waiting outside the hospital room with a pen, a contract, and a tiny Red Bull onesie. According to insiders, the agreement includes a full driver development program starting as soon as Lily is old enough to see over the steering wheel, as well as a clause guaranteeing her a race seat in 2045.

“Lily’s got the genes,” said Helmut Marko, Red Bull’s notorious talent scout. “She’s half Verstappen, half Piquet. That’s practically a cheat code for motorsport greatness. We can’t afford to let any other team capitalize on this generational talent.”

Critics have been quick to question the ethics of signing an infant to a lifetime contract, but Red Bull remains unfazed. “It’s not like we’re putting her in a car tomorrow,” Horner clarified. “This is a long-term vision. In the meantime, we’ll make sure she’s properly developed—go-karting by age three, Formula 4 by age nine, and world champion by 13. It’s called talent management.”

Max Verstappen, known for his cutthroat competitiveness on the track, seemed surprisingly relaxed about the arrangement. “Honestly, it’s great,” he said with a grin. “Now I can finally have a teammate I trust completely. And if she takes my records one day, I’ll just come out of retirement and take them back. I’m Max Verstappen.”

Kelly Piquet, meanwhile, was reportedly thrilled that her daughter’s future is already secure. “This was my plan all along. I always knew our family was destined for greatness,” she commented. “Lily’s just getting an early start. I guess the only question is which family member’s number she’ll race under—33, 11, or maybe 1?”

While other teams have been slow to react to the news, sources say Mercedes is already asking Russell, Kimi, and even Hamilton to start having kids, hoping to find their own “next-generation superstar.” Ferrari has taken a different approach, reportedly considering a forty-year-old karting sensation.

As for Lily, she is reportedly enjoying her first week in the world, blissfully unaware that she is already part of one of the most high-pressure teams in motorsport.