"...we ran out of all of our emergency pants."

INDEPENDENCE—The much-anticipated first annual Oregon Trail Gumball Rally, an event aimed at bringing cars of all shapes and sizes through the historic Oregon Trail, ended abruptly as all drivers fell ill with dysentery. The rally, which promised to be a thrilling blend of automotive prowess and historical adventure, was canceled before any participant could finish the trail.

Organizers of the event were hopeful that the rally would become a yearly tradition, celebrating both the spirit of the old Oregon Trail and the ingenuity of modern vehicles. Unfortunately, the journey took a turn for the worse when no one brought a ferry to cross the treacherous rivers, and the harsh conditions led to a widespread outbreak of dysentery among the drivers.

Rally participant Jessica Larson recounted the chaotic turn of events: “We were all so excited to start this rally. Everyone put so much effort into preparing their vehicles. But no one remembered to prepare a ferry, it was clear we were in trouble. Without a ferry, crossing was impossible. It was a nightmare.”

The rally's organizer, Mike Thompson, expressed his deep disappointment. “We had high hopes for the Oregon Trail Gumball Rally, but we underestimated the harshness of the trail. We failed to give the trail the respect it deserves, so it gave us bubble guts instead. We should have seen this shit coming.”

The sudden onset of dysentery left many participants stranded and seeking medical attention. Dr. Karen Smith, who was part of the medical team on standby for the event, commented on the situation: “It was everywhere! The smell was horrible and we ran out of all of our emergency pants.”

Despite the setback, there are hopes that the Oregon Trail Gumball Rally could return next year, better prepared and with lessons learned. As Thompson added, “We’ve learned a lot from this experience. Next year, we’ll make sure to have back up drivers ready and extra pants.”