"...the perfect choice for anyone who wants high-end engineering without the burden of reliability."

LOS ANGELES—Continuing a proud tradition, used Audis are reportedly selling for dirt cheap right now—just as they always have, but also now.

Local car enthusiast Carlos Ramirez confirmed the situation firsthand. “I picked up a 2015 Audi A6 for less than my monthly grocery bill,” he said. “Sure, the dashboard is a Christmas tree of warning lights, and the transmission has a mind of its own, but those are just Audi things. It’s luxury—you wouldn’t understand.”

Used car dealerships are practically giving the cars away, with sales representatives explaining that it’s all part of Audi’s long-standing brand heritage. “At Audi, we believe in making luxury cars that depreciate dramatically,” said dealership manager Linda Chen. “Cars priced so low, you’d be stupid not to be suspicious.”

According to auto industry analyst Rebecca Clarke, this phenomenon is nothing new. “Audis have always been a disastrous gateway to luxury and a lifelong subscription to pain,” she explained. “They’re the perfect choice for anyone who wants to experience high-end engineering without the burden of reliability.”

Online forums are buzzing with testimonials from proud new Audi owners sharing their stories of unbeatable deals. “I paid $3,000 for a 2004 A4,” posted one user. “The engine only occasionally misfires, and the sunroof only leaks when it’s raining.”

But even as used Audis fly off Facebook Marketplace, mechanics are celebrating. “I love Audis. They’re like a paycheck with wheels,” said local mechanic James Ortiz. “Seriously. They’re putting my kids through college!”

Audi owners maintain that the low prices are a win for everyone. “You’re getting a luxury badge, and we’re getting these ticking time bombs out of our driveways,” said Steven. “It’s a beautiful system.”

For those still on the fence, experts recommend bringing a diagnostic scanner and a certified exorcist before making a purchase. But for the brave, the reward is a genuine taste of Volkswagen engineering—at least for a few weeks.

As the market for used Audis continues to plummet, insiders suggest that some buyers are stocking up as a hedge against future repair costs. “At these prices, you might as well buy two,” said Ramirez. “One for driving, one for parts.”

When reached for comment, an Audi spokesperson simply said, “Du wurdest betrogen,” which roughly translates to “Nice Buy!” We think.