"I told you the tariffs would work..."

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the current administration slaps a fresh 25% tariff on all foreign-made vehicles, Americans are finding a new—or very old—solution to rising car prices: horses and carriages.

The tariffs, announced by former President Donald Trump and scheduled to take effect April 3, aim to reignite earnings for CEOs in domestic car manufacturing who desperately need more money. Instead, they’ve reignited interest in four-legged transportation not seen since the Industrial Revolution. “You want America to be great again? Then let’s take it to the good ol’ days,” said James Stephens, proudly showing off his new Mustang—not the Ford kind, but an actual mustang.

With imported vehicles expected to jump in price by as much as $10,000, frustrated buyers are doing everything but buying domestic and heading to ranches. “We can’t handle the demand. We’ve started to sell our donkeys at this point,” said stable owner Maggie Foster. “People can’t even tell the difference—they’re just trying to avoid the tariffs they voted for.”

Even Tesla owners are starting to question their life choices. “You can’t charge a car when you can’t afford eggs,” said Linda Thompson, who now rides an Andalusian named Turbo. “He doesn’t have Bluetooth, but he will last longer than a Jeep.”

The equine boom is creating ripple effects across the country. Cities like San Francisco and Austin are scrambling to install “horse-only” lanes. Car washes are being converted into grooming stations. One dealership in Dallas has fully transitioned into a feed and tack shop. Their new slogan: “From horsepower to horse power.”

President Trump, asked about the horse craze, offered his approval. “I told you the tariffs would work. I’m a genius. I rode a horse once. People said I looked majestic. This is what American transportation should be. None of that German nonsense.”

Meanwhile, economists are baffled, and automakers are quietly panicking. “We were prepared for EV shifts,” whispered one Detroit executive. “We weren’t prepared for hay subsidies.”

As the modern world gallops into uncharted territory, one thing is certain: the return to horse-and-carriage may be inconvenient, impractical, and utterly bizarre—but at least it’s tariff-free—and, more importantly, Chevy-free.

And if you listen closely at rush hour, you might just hear it: the soft clop of economic despair echoing down Main Street.