"It's a dream come true..."

NEW YORK — A move economists are calling “deeply concerning” and car dealerships are calling “exciting,” lenders have officially introduced a groundbreaking 720-month auto loan—finally allowing buyers to pay off their vehicles over a luxurious span of 60 years.

“Go ahead, buy that car,” said Raymond Chu, a regional finance manager at American Standard Lending. “Don’t worry about the economy. Your payments will be tiny because you’ll be making payments longer than most marriages. That’s a deal!”

The new loan term arrives just as economic growth slows, wages stagnate, and vehicle prices continue to float somewhere near the International Space Station. With traditional 5- or 7-year terms increasingly unaffordable, lenders realized the solution wasn’t cheaper cars—it was just longer loans.

“With a 720-month term, even a $100,000 SUV becomes affordable at just $139 a month,” said auto finance expert Carla Jimenez. “Sure, you'll pay $170,000 in interest, but hey—dreams don’t have an expiration date.”

Dealers have already begun advertising the new financing option with slogans like “Drive Now, Die Later." Buyers seem intrigued.

“I always wanted a new Charger, but I didn’t think I could swing it,” said 32-year-old Anthony Delgado. “Now I’ve got a Hellcat and a payment plan that’ll follow me forever. It's a dream come true.”

Critics, however, warn that the 60-year auto loan may not be the economic breakthrough it claims to be.

“This is less a loan and more a lifetime subscription to disappointment,” said economist Laura Patel. “Do you plan on living in this car? This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.”

The auto industry, of course, remains upbeat. A spokesperson for National Auto Retailers Association explained the logic behind the term: “People are living longer and poorer. Cars are getting more expensive. And, honestly, this is just the logical next step after pretending a 96-month loan was normal.”

Buyers with shorter life expectancies are being offered “inheritance rollover plans,” where any unpaid balance can be seamlessly passed on to a surviving relative, spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other of any kind.

Meanwhile, luxury brands are testing 840-month “legacy leases” that include a memorial plaque on the dashboard, customizable by next of kin.

As more Americans resign themselves to never owning anything outright, the 720-month loan appears to be gaining traction—proving once again that if you can’t make something affordable, you can always just extend the suffering.