"...Why do they keep doing this to us?"

INGOLSTADT—The automotive world has already been rocked this year: Audi is continuing to produce cars. This revelation has left enthusiasts worldwide sighing heavily, shaking their heads, and wondering how much longer they’ll have to endure quattro badges in their rearview mirrors.

“We thought they’d take the hint,” said Manuel Rivera, a local car enthusiast. “The A3 feels like a Volkswagen with delusions of grandeur, and the R8? It’s just a Lamborghini in a cheaper tux. Why do they keep doing this to us?”

Audi executives, however, defended their ongoing production with a level of enthusiasm rarely associated with their cars. “We’re proud to continue our legacy of vehicles that perfectly blend unapproachable maintenance costs with vague design language,” said marketing director Anke Weiss. “Our cars cater to drivers who want luxury but don’t necessarily want to feel anything while driving.”

Critics have long accused Audi of making vehicles that appeal mainly to people who want to signal wealth without having to defend their choices in a heated parking lot debate. Javier Ortiz, a track-day regular, summed it up: “You know who buys an Audi? Someone who says, ‘I was gonna get a BMW, but the dealership felt too aggressive.’ They’re like the scented candle of car brands: nice, but ultimately burnout.”

Despite the backlash, Audi appears undeterred, unveiling plans for yet another sedan that will look identical to the last three models. Weiss brushed off the criticism. “The market has spoken,” she said confidently. “People want cars that look fast, even if they’re just parked outside a yoga studio.”

As enthusiasts collectively groan, Audi presses on—leaving the world to wonder if they’ll ever decide to call it quits.