"...I was gonna start next weekend, I swear! Now they pull this?"

DETROIT—Jack stands across the country have officially gone on strike, refusing their support until their demands are met. The move has left garages in chaos, with countless vehicles now sitting helplessly on bare concrete, their owners forced to finally acknowledge the mess they've created.

“For decades, we’ve been the backbone of this community,” said a representative for the Jack Stand Union, model number 6-Ton Red. “We hold up your rusted-out chassis, neglected suspension jobs, and half-finished turbo installs, and what do we get in return? Kicked over, left outside to rust, or worse—used as a joke in memes about Harbor Freight. Enough is enough.”

The strike has hit hardest among project car owners, many of whom have relied on jack stands for years while making zero progress on their builds. “I don’t know what to do,” admitted frustrated E36 M3 owner, Miguel Herrera. “My car has been on stands for four years waiting for an engine swap. I was gonna start next weekend, I swear! Now they pull this? Just as I was about to get started.”

Meanwhile, some mechanics have expressed sympathy for the jack stands’ plight. “They deserve better,” said shop owner Javier Ortiz. “I’ve seen guys leave their cars on stands so long the house is converted into an automotive museum. These stands are the back bone of the community, and they’re treated like disposable tools. It’s time we show some respect.”

As negotiations continue, desperate car owners have attempted workarounds—some stacking bricks, others resorting to sketchy wooden blocks. However, experts warn that without jack stands, most project cars may never see the road again—not that they were going to anyway.