"If you don’t have at least five reasons why you were slow, were you even at the track?"

DAYTONA BEACH—A new study has confirmed something that is painfully obvious at track days across the nation: Track junkies lose an estimated 2,079 hours per year making excuses for their slow lap times.

“We knew the numbers would be high, but this is astonishing,” said Dr. Luis Herrera, lead researcher at the Motorsports Excuse Analysis Institute. “Drivers are spending more time blaming tires, traffic, and ‘mysterious handling issues’. If they redirected that energy into improving their technique, we can confirm with fair certainty that we would see world-class racing at every track day.”

The study, which analyzed thousands of amateur racers, found that common excuses included “tires were too cold,” “someone held me up,” and the ever-popular “the car just didn’t feel right.” One participant, Marco Espinoza, defended his reasoning. “Look, I was easily on pace for a personal best, but this dude in a Corvette refused to let me pass. Then I had fuel starvation, my GoPro fell off, and honestly, my clutch felt a little funny. None of that was my fault.”

According to instructors, these time losses add up. “You’d think people were out there setting qualifying laps for Le Mans the way they talk,” said driving coach Rachel Kim. “Meanwhile, their ‘perfect’ lap is still three seconds off pace, and somehow that’s the car’s fault? The data doesn’t lie.”

Despite the findings, the study concludes that no change in behavior is expected. “Excuses are just part of the culture,” admitted Espinoza. “If you don’t have at least five reasons why you were slow, were you even at the track?”

Researchers predict lap times won't be getting faster, but the excuses sure will..