"...This race is supposed to be about skill, not that nerd shit."

ROSAMOND—The drama of the Grid Living Touring Championship took an unexpected turn this weekend when local racer Ryan Caldwell was disqualified for what officials are calling a “blatant misuse of technology.” Caldwell, driving his heavily modified Nissan Altima, used adaptive cruise control to outpace competitors, sparking outrage in the tightly knit racing community.

“I thought I was being innovative,” Caldwell said after the race. “It’s not like I used nitrous or a jet engine. All I did was the same thing I do on the freeway on my way to work. The car basically raced itself—like a Tesla, but without catching fire.”

The controversy arose after spectators noticed Caldwell sleeping and eating mid race. Witnesses described him casually snoring while his Camry maintained a perfect line through every corner. “He had one hand on a bag of Doritos and the other acting as a pillow for his head,” said racer Marvin Salgado, who came in second. “Meanwhile, the rest of us are out here sweating, grinding gears, and praying our cars hold together.”

Officials were quick to condemn Caldwell’s actions, arguing that adaptive cruise control undermines the spirit of grassroots racing. “This isn’t AI Racing,” said race organizer Heather Ruiz. “If your car does all the work, what’s the point? This race is supposed to be about skill, not that nerd shit.”

Caldwell remains unapologetic, insisting his approach was within the rules—or at least not explicitly banned. “Show me where it says I can’t use adaptive cruise control,” he argued. “Until then, I’m just ahead of my time. I'm a trailblazer. They're just made they didn't think of it first. Idiots.”

As debates rage on about the role of technology in grassroots racing, Caldwell has hinted at a new strategy for next year. “Maybe I’ll let the car parallel park itself on the finish line. Let’s see them ban that.”.