Man Rips Hole in Time-Space Continuum After Low Balling Seller with Car Listed as 'PRICED FIRM, I KNOW WHAT I GOT'
January 3, 2024

"...I didn't know the rules of engagement. I didn't mean to start the apocalypse."

INGLEWOOD—In a bizarre incident that defies the laws of both automotive negotiation and the universe, a man unintentionally ripped a hole in the time-space continuum after making a low-ball offer on a car listed as 'PRICED FIRM, I KNOW WHAT I GOT.' The unsuspecting buyer, identified as Mark Stevens, now finds himself at the center of an otherworldly phenomenon.


Mark recounts the unusual turn of events, "I saw the listing, and the seller had this confident tone with 'PRICED FIRM, I KNOW WHAT I GOT.' I thought, 'it's a shitbox; I figured it couldn't ACTUALLY be firm, so I gave it a shot, but I didn't know the rules of engagement. I didn't mean to start the apocalypse."


The seller, who wishes to remain anonymous, expressed both shock and bewilderment at the unexpected consequences of what was initially a straightforward negotiation. "Facebook marketplace is the worst. These buyers are always trying to play me man. It said FIRM, that's basically law. I know what I got man and now look what he's done."


The incident has left the scientific community scrambling, with physicists attempting to understand how a mere negotiation could lead to such a cosmic disturbance. Dr. Emily Thompson, a renowned astrophysicist, commented, "This is unprecedented. We are delving into uncharted territory where the principles of quantum mechanics seem to be entangled with the principles of used car sales."


As news of the incident spread, warnings flooded social media platforms, with many users suggesting that perhaps 'firm' should be taken seriously and low-balling should be declared illegal. However, the broader implications of this event are still being studied, as scientists grapple with the intersection of metaphysics and automotive transactions.


In the aftermath of this peculiar incident, one thing is clear – Mark's low-ball offer has not only reshaped his understanding of car negotiations but has also left an indelible mark on the fabric of time and space itself.

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