"...our cars will be adorned with scripture and sponsored by only the finest Christian brands"

DALLAS—Megachurch pastor Rev. Clayton Brooks announced during Sunday’s service that his congregation is being called to support a higher purpose: the formation of a professional racing team.

“This is not just about racing,” declared Rev. Brooks, standing beneath a giant LED cross while revving the engine of a NASCAR stock car parked at the altar. “This is about speed, faith, and showing the world that Jesus doesn’t just take the wheel—He takes pole position!”

Brooks has called on his followers to dig deep and donate generously, unveiling an ambitious goal of funding a racing team, dubbed “Holy Rollers Racing.” While critics accuse Brooks of exploiting his flock, he insists this is a divine mission.

“Every lap we take will be a lap for the Lord,” Brooks proclaimed. “And let’s not forget, our cars will be adorned with scripture and sponsored by only the finest Christian brands—like Chik-Fil-A and the NRA.”

Congregants, meanwhile, seem divided. “I think it’s an incredible way to spread the Word,” said Linda Jenkins, clutching a “Let Jesus Take the Wheel!” bumper sticker she purchased after the service. “If Rev. Brooks says we need a racing team, who am I to question God’s plan?”

Others are less convinced. “I thought our donations were going to build a shelter,” said Marcus Lewis, a long-time member. “wait…what? I can't come to this church anymore?”

Rev. Brooks remains undeterred. “Critics don’t understand faith,” he explained. “The Lord told me he wants us to go fast. Real fast. And if a private jet can bring me closer to Him, imagine what a racecar can do!”

As donations pour in, Holy Rollers Racing is set to debut next season, proving once again that, in the right hands, faith moves mountains—and bank accounts.