"...like a side quest character nobody wants to engage..."

MONACO—With the Formula 1 paddock gearing up for another intense season, multiple teams have reportedly expressed serious interest in making sure Jos Verstappen is simply not around anymore.

“Look, we’re all for supporting drivers’ families,” said an anonymous team principal, glancing over his shoulder. “But Jos? He’s like a Brabham engine—loud, aggressive, and guaranteed to cause a catastrophic failure at the worst possible moment. We’re just saying, maybe he could… take up golf or something?”

The elder Verstappen, known for his colorful presence and occasional rage-fueled antics, has become a recurring headache for teams, paddock staff, and anyone within six feet of him. His tendency to stir up controversy, throw shade at Red Bull, and publicly critique his own son has left many wondering if his presence is really necessary—like, really.

“We fully support Max,” said Mercedes’ Toto Wolff, doing his best to suppress his signature sneaky smirk. “He’s a phenomenal talent. But, um… how do I say this? If Jos were to, say, take a year off, or a few years off, from being near a racetrack, I don’t think the sport would collapse.”

Even Red Bull, the team that has benefited most from Max’s dominance, has reportedly hinted that an absentee father figure might be best for everyone involved. “We value all contributions to our championship-winning environment,” said a team spokesperson. “But let’s be honest—Max has the talent, and Christian Horner has enough drama going on with his staff. Do we really need Jos lurking in the garage like a side quest character nobody wants to engage?”

For now, Jos remains a fixture in the paddock, but with so many teams showing interest in his absence, he might soon find himself as the only figure in F1 with no seat—literally.