"...now we overnight the car..."

ATLANTA—In a shocking display of airline loophole exploitation, local car enthusiast Ricardo Delgado successfully flew his 1998 Honda Civic coupe across the country for free after registering it as an emotional support vehicle.

“They let people bring peacocks, miniature horses, and whatever other crap on planes,” Delgado said. “Why not my car? This Civic has been with me through everything—breakups, job losses, my fuccboi phase, underglow I won’t elaborate on. If that’s not emotional support, then what the hell is?”

Delgado reportedly submitted an application listing his car’s purpose as “psychological comfort,” along with a totally legitimate letter from a “certified automotive therapist.” His request was approved by default after the employee who handles these matters was discovered to have been fired by Elon Musk and the Trump administration days prior, forcing airline staff into a situation nobody had ever prepared for.

“Look, we have policies for emotional support animals,” said confused airline representative Linda Caldwell. “But a ‘1998 Civic EX with JDM-spec headlights’? I didn’t even know what to file it under. And the guy just kept saying, ‘It’s my baby.’ At that point, we just let it happen.”

Passengers on the flight were divided over the ordeal. While some were baffled by the sight of an entire car strapped into first-class seating, others found it inspiring.

“I respect it,” said fellow traveler Miguel Tapia, sipping a Bloody Mary while admiring the Civic’s Mugen shift knob. “If people can fly with tiny dogs that bark the whole time, why can’t this man fly with his car? It’s probably quieter.”

Delgado now plans to take his Civic on more flights, arguing that if airlines truly cared about inclusivity, they would add dedicated parking spaces in the cargo hold. “Next stop, Japan,” he said. “The days of overnight parts from Japan are over—now we overnight the car there.”