"It’s as real as it gets."

AUBURN HILLS—In a bold move to address the realities of modern driving idiots, Dodge announced that the next-generation Charger will feature a revolutionary “Rear Fender Safety Test.” This new feature aims to ensure the car can withstand aggressive sideways impacts with half-wits weighing approximately 150 to 250 pounds.

“We’re just responding to demand,” said Dodge spokesperson Mike Gallagher. “Our engineers studied hours of Instagram footage and concluded that rear fender durability is critical. If your car can’t handle a glancing hit with an overweight man holding an iPhone 16, is it really a Charger?”

Dodge’s new safety protocols include rigorous testing of the rear fenders under simulated takeover conditions. These include getting clipped by an overzealous Camaro, grazing curbs during donuts, and the occasional crowd love-tap. “We even threw in a simulated tire blowout while doing 100 in a school zone,” Gallagher added. “It’s as real as it gets.”

Takeover morons are thrilled about the innovation. “Finally, a car designed for how we actually use it,” said local takeover regular James Kirkpatrick. “I’ve been through three Chargers already, and they all folded after the first ‘tap-tap’ from a Mustang. Dodge is really stepping up.”

As Dodge rolls out the new Charger, imbeciles everywhere are already planning their next takeover—confident their cars will emerge with minimal damage and even more footage of poorly executed donuts.