"If my parents really believed in me, they’d already be selling NFTs..."

LONDON—Aspiring Formula 1 driver Lucas Gordon revealed his master plan for achieving motorsport glory: asking his parents to dedicate the next few decades to being wealthy.

“It’s a crucial part of my career strategy,” said Lucas during a press conference at his family’s ½-bedroom home. “I’ve got the talent, the passion, and a decent go-kart, but what I really need is for my parents to step up and start making real money.”

Lucas’s father, Karl Gordon, appeared less enthusiastic about the plan. “I work 50 hours a week as a mechanic,” he said, shaking his head. “Now my son tells me I need to pivot into something he calls ‘hedge fund management’ or start a tech company. Sure, let me get on that.”

The young driver’s mother, Ann Gordon, was slightly more supportive. “I mean, he has a point,” she admitted. “Every time we watch the races, they’re always talking about how so-and-so’s dad owns half of Switzerland. Maybe I should’ve married rich.”

Critics of Lucas’s approach argue that focusing on skill and hard work might be a more practical path, but they clearly don’t understand Formula 1, and the 9-year-old isn’t buying it. “Let’s be real,” he said. “You think Lance Stroll got here on just talent? No, his dad was loaded. If my parents really believed in me, they’d already be selling NFTs or opening a vineyard somewhere.”

While Karl and Ann have yet to commit to their son’s financial demands, Lucas remains optimistic. “All I’m asking is for them to dedicate their lives to my dreams,” he said. “Is that really too much for a future world champion?”

As Lucas waits for his parents to hit the jackpot, he continues practicing on his Xbox—confident that his talent is worth the investment.