PT Cruiser owners don’t care what you think—clearly.

TOLEDO—Despite being out of production for over a decade, the Chrysler PT Cruiser has once again secured its title as the number one vehicle among drivers with absolutely no taste, according to a new study conducted by the Useless Technicals Institute.

“We evaluated thousands of vehicles and correlated ownership with aesthetic decision-making,” said lead researcher Carla Mendoza. “The data was conclusive: the PT Cruiser continues to attract people who think flames and chrome grilles are high fashion.”

Originally introduced in 2000, the PT Cruiser was marketed as a retro-inspired crossover. What it delivered instead was a vehicle that looked like a low level gangster’s hearse got rejected from the latest Bonnie & Clyde. And yet, its cult following persists—particularly among individuals who collect stamps, name their plants, and use car bras.

“I just think it has personality,” said local owner Darrell Simmons, standing proudly next to his deep purple 2005 model with mismatched wheels and tires. “Everyone drives boring cars. Mine gets noticed. My kids don’t ride in it anymore, but that’s fine. More room for my fedoras.”

Analysts point out that PT Cruiser owners tend to defend their vehicles with phrases like “it’s practical” or “I got it for free,” both of which are usually true. But critics argue that doesn’t justify the visual offense. “If design is a language, the PT Cruiser is that language those kids from Zoom made up in the 90s,” said automotive critic Mallory Klein.

Chrysler has not commented on the study, likely because they, too, have moved on and prefer not to be associated with the decision. However, insiders confirm there are no plans to bring back the PT Cruiser “unless the U.S. demands it as an act of defiance against good looking cars everywhere.”

Despite the criticism, PT Cruiser loyalists remain unbothered. “Let them hate,” said Simmons. “I’ve got my fuzzy dice, my lava lamp cupholder, and my some of my dignity.”

As for the study's methodology, Mendoza clarified, “We just parked one PT Cruiser next to a Miata and asked 100 people which car they’d rather be seen in. The only people who picked the Cruiser arrived in one.”