Sainz's Appendix Furious to Learn It Will No Longer Be Racing in Formula 1
March 22, 2024

"It's hard not to feel a sense of loss knowing that I will no longer be a part of the F1 elite."

ALBERT PARK—As a loyal supporter of Carlos Sainz Jr., I, his appendix, have been a silent but vital part of his Formula 1 journey. From the thrilling highs to the challenging lows, I have been there, enduring every twist and turn of the track. However, my racing days have been abruptly halted, it's a bunch of crap.


The news of my retirement from the Formula 1 circuit came as a shock. After all, I had been a reliable teammate to Sainz, working tirelessly to support him through his races. My role might have been small, but my impact was significant. Without me he wouldn't digest the fuel that powered him, ensuring he had the energy to race at full throttle!


"I can't believe it," exclaimed Sainz when he learned of my forced retirement. "My appendix has been with me through thick and thin. It's like losing a part of myself."


It's hard to believe he was that disappointed, he got rid of me as soon as he could.  I understand that my removal was necessary for Sainz's health but to not let me race anymore? I'm sure I can fit in the car with him. It's hard not to feel a sense of loss knowing that I will no longer be a part of the F1 elite.


"Carlos' appendix has been a trooper, but sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the greater good," remarked Dr. Patel, the surgeon who performed the appendectomy. "We are confident that Carlos will continue to excel on the track, you don't actually even need your appendix."


As I bid farewell to my racing days, I take solace in knowing that Sainz will continue to chase his dreams on the Formula 1 circuit. While I may no longer be racing alongside him, I will always be a part of his story, and a vital variable to his success up to this point. Honestly, he probably won't do as well without me, though.

More Recent News

By Jonnathan Perez June 14, 2025
RIVERSIDE—The average age of used vehicles in the United States has officially reached 12.8 years, according to new industry data released this week. But experts warn that the real number skyrockets to 60 if you include all the cars currently sitting on jack stands in driveways, garages, and questionable Facebook Marketplace ads.
By Jonnathan Perez June 13, 2025
DETROIT—Despite dismal sales, nonexistent marketing, and no dealerships, Alfa Romeo continues to exist in North America. Somehow. There’s only one possible explanation: a secret society is keeping it alive.
By Jonnathan Perez June 13, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C.—With many mildly horrified but completely unsurprised, the White House has formally requested that Mercedes-Benz resume production of the 770—a massive luxury car originally built for top Nazi officials during the 1930s and 40s.
By Jonnathan Perez June 12, 2025
LOS ANGELES—Recently uncovered studio notes have revealed that the 2000 cult classic Dude, Where’s My Car? was originally conceived as a gritty, grounded drama centered on Honda owners waking up to discover—shockingly—that their Civics had been stolen.
Show More

THE SHOP

EMAIL:
info@ninetyoneoctane.com

TEXT:
(424) 259-2428‬

S T A Y  T U N E D