"They're the reason I'm able buy so many mint used cars."

PITTSBURGH—A new study has revealed a startling correlation between car habits and tool ownership: 97% of drivers who proudly "drive their cars until the wheels fall off" do not, in fact, own a torque wrench.

“We were shocked,” said lead researcher Dr. Karen Meyer. “We expected normal wear to be the cost of all these cars getting pulled off the road but the torque wrench gap explains everything. These drivers are essentially neglecting their nuts.”

The study surveyed thousands of drivers. “I had the same car for 5 years, and I always said I was going to drive it until the wheels fell off,” said local hot dog salesman, Jerry Diaz. “Once they fell off five years in, it was time to get a new car. What's weird is that I thought it was a figure of speech, I didn't think the wheels actually fell off like that.”

The researchers also found that these drivers tend to have an unshakable belief in cars they completely neglect. “Torque wrenches?” asked Amanda Gutierrez, whose car is currently on a freeway shoulder without wheels. “Nah, once the wheels fall off it's just time to get a new car. That's why that saying exisits, right?—What does a torque wrench have to do with this?”

Critics of the study argue that a torque wrench isn’t necessary for everyone. “Look, if they’re giving up perfectly good cars because of something they heard some one say, that's ok!” said auto parts store employee Mike Perkins. “They're the reason I'm able buy so many mint used cars.”

As the study sparks heated debates online, experts warn that failing to secure your wheels could lead to catastrophic outcomes—not a chance to buy a new car. For now, one thing is clear: ignorance isn’t bliss—it’s a loose nut waiting to happen.