"There is a war not causing enough destruction right now because of these idiots."

SAN DIEGO—Authorities have uncovered a shocking connection between a secretive underground automotive soccer ring and the mysterious disappearance of thousands of rockets. The illegal operation, which has reportedly been running for years, involves teams of modified cars playing high-octane soccer matches where rockets are used to propel the vehicles into the air.

The discovery was made during a raid on a warehouse, where law enforcement found vehicles equipped with rocket boosters and specialized gear designed for this dangerous sport. “We couldn’t believe what we were seeing,” said Detective Carla Hernandez, who led the investigation. “These vehicles were customized not just for speed, but to launch themselves into the air during the game. It’s something out of a video game.”

According to officials, the missing rockets, originally intended for special delivery to Israel, were being siphoned off and repurposed to give the cars aerial capabilities. “We’ve been tracking these missing rockets for months,” said Lieutenant Mark Davis of the Bureau of Firearms and Explosives. “We had no idea they were being used for something like this. There is a war not causing enough destruction right now because of these idiots.”

The drivers involved in the ring, many of whom are believed to be the most atheltic, thrill-seeking humans on the planet, were highly secretive about the events. Matches were held in remote locations, often abandoned airfields or industrial sites, with spectators paying top dollar to witness the dangerous games.

“Honestly, I never thought we’d get caught,” admitted one of the arrested drivers, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “We weren't bothering anybody—the speed, the danger, the sheer insanity of launching a car into the air? It's good natured fun. I mean it's just a few million dollar rockets, what's the big deal? Drone's drop them like nothing.”

As the investigation continues, authorities are working to recover the remaining rockets and dismantle the ring, emphasizing the need for greater vigilance in tracking military-grade equipment.