"The monkey is clearly impressed by the Cybertruck’s innovative design..."

PALO ALTO—The Cybertruck has been awarded "Truck of the Year" by an unlikely judge—the only surviving monkey from Neuralink's controversial implant tests. The monkey, who's intelligence is reportedly that of a wet cardboard box due to the extensive Neuralink experiments, was tasked with deciding the fate of the Cybertruck.

Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and Neuralink, personally posed the question to the monkey: “Is the Cybertruck the Truck of the Year?” The monkey's reaction was immediate—a loud, piercing scream. Musk, undeterred by the unsettling response, confidently interpreted the scream as an enthusiastic "yes."

“I’m absolutely certain that scream meant yes. The monkey is clearly impressed by the Cybertruck’s innovative design,” Musk stated during the announcement.

However, those familiar with the situation were less convinced. One Neuralink employee, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “The monkey screams every time Elon walks into the room. Whether it’s from excitement, fear, or something else entirely, who’s to say? But awarding a title based on that poor monkey's reaction seems... weird.”

Animal rights advocates were quick to criticize. “The CyberTruck? You mean that rolling budget BBQ grill?” commented Dr. Emily Hartman, “The CyberTruck is what you get when you ask a pre-schooler to draw a futuristic pencil sharpener.”

The award has sparked debate, but in typical Elon Musk fashion, the eccentric billionaire is standing by the monkey’s decision. “He said yes,” Musk reiterated. “That’s all that matters.