"...if you’re not maximizing every opportunity, what are you even doing?"

CORONA—For the average person, winning someone’s heart might involve grand romantic gestures, heartfelt conversations, or at the very least, remembering their coffee order. But for car enthusiasts, there’s only one true way in: using proper technique.

“The moment she trail-braked into that bar, I knew she was the one,” said local track junkie Miguel Alvarez. “She didn’t just turn in—she committed. That’s when I knew this wasn’t just a fling; this was a properly balanced relationship, with just a hint of oversteer.”

Experts agree that nothing sparks admiration in a car enthusiast faster than clean racing lines and an aggressive but controlled exit. “It’s science,” said performance driving instructor Rafael Gutierrez. “You could be a world-class chef, a best-selling author, or even a billionaire, but if you don’t apex properly, they’ll never love you. Meanwhile, someone who nails every corner will be swimming in potential broke car enthusiasts.”

However, not everyone is convinced that driving technique should be the ultimate deciding factor in relationships. “I just want a partner who listens, cares, and supports my goals,” said Clara Mendoza, whose boyfriend only communicates in brake points and throttle modulation. “Meanwhile, I tell him about my day, and he just mutters, ‘Your turn-in was late,’ like that means anything.”

Despite these concerns, the truth remains: for car enthusiasts, the path to love is measured in lap times. “At the end of the day, it’s all about that exit speed,” Alvarez added. “Life is short, corners are tight, and if you’re not maximizing every opportunity, what are you even doing?”