"Wait… Did you hear that?"

SANTA ANA—A local neighborhood app has launched a Pop Tune Awareness Program to educate its most anxious users. The initiative hopes to address the flood of “DID ANYONE HEAR THAT? ARE THOSE GUNSHOTS?!” posts that appear eighteen times a day.

“The people on this app are out of control,” said neighborhood app spokesperson Lisa McAllister. “We’ve seen reports of gunfire that turned out to be a 2006 BMW 335i leaving a Starbucks parking lot. People are calling the cops over a straight-piped Honda Civic shifting at 5,000 RPM. If they won't get out the house once in awhile, It’s time we teach them the difference between actual crime and a fuccboi.”

Frequent poster Mark Billings admits he’s one of those users. “I just want my neighborhood to be safe,” he said. “Last week, I heard four quick bangs and hit the ground. Can you blame me? Wait… Did you hear that? I have to post this!”

The program includes an interactive online course with sound samples comparing actual gunshots to common exhaust mods. “Most people can’t tell the difference between an AK-47 and an F80 M3 with a catless downpipe,” said automotive consultant Carlos Mendez. “But with just a little education, they’ll learn that what they’re hearing isn’t a drive-by—it’s just some dude who paid too much for a shitty tune.”

The response so far has been mixed. While some users appreciate the training, others remain skeptical. “So you’re telling me that wasn’t a war zone outside my house last night?” said local resident Karen Simmons. “I don’t buy it. My Pomeranian was terrified.”