"The FIA is just another canvas, and I’m here to paint."

GENEVA—In order to enforce its new swearing ban, the FIA has officially hired Kanye West as its Chief Offensive Language Expert. The decision has sparked widespread reactions of “huh, I guess that makes sense,” as West—known for his uniquely stupid and inflammatory public statements—seems disturbingly qualified to work for the FIA.

“We needed someone with extensive experience in offensive language,” said FIA President Mohammed Ben Sulayem. “Kanye’s track record speaks for itself. If there’s a word that shouldn’t be said on a hot mic, we trust he’s tweeted it—probably in all caps. Who better to help us crack down than someone who sells millions in Nazi shirts?”

The FIA’s recent crackdown on swearing has already drawn criticism from drivers who believe it stifles their ability to express themselves—especially in the high-stakes, high-pressure world of Formula 1. While West’s appointment was meant to add credibility to the initiative, it has instead raised more questions than answers.

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” said a bewildered Lando Norris. “So I get a penalty for yelling something in the heat of battle, but Kanye gets paid to be a Nazi? I can't be blamed if I don't podium and Piastri does.”

West, however, is taking his new role seriously. “Listen, I’m the greatest wordsmith of our generation,” he said in an impromptu press conference where he refused to answer any actual questions. “I know words—powerful words, beautiful words, uncancelable words. The FIA is just another canvas, and I’m here to paint.”

Despite concerns, the FIA is standing by its choice. “People need to trust the process,” Sulayem added. “Sure, Kanye might occasionally say something that sets civilization back a century, but at least we are focusing on the right things.”

As teams and drivers prepare for the new regulations, one thing is clear: the FIA’s approach to professionalism remains as consistent as their championship-deciding penalties.