"We’re not just selling cars—we’re selling an experience."

SAN DIEGO—Cars & Bids has raised its buyer fee to 5%, proudly distinguishing itself from free-for-all platforms like Facebook Marketplace. “We realized that instead of competing by improving our services, we'll just charge more,” stated a Cars & Bids spokesperson, adding, “Our fee is an illlus…a badge of honor.”

While Facebook Marketplace lists vehicles without any extra cost, Cars & Bids is now charging buyers more for what amounts to an elaborate charade. Instead of buyers simply getting pre-purchase inspections before buying on Facebook Marketplace, they opt to give up money so Cars & Bids can give them a CarFax report. “It’s all about the experience,” remarked one amused bidder. “I’m happy to pay extra just to feel like I’m getting 5 star service—even if it’s as real as a Elon's Tesla Roaster.”

But it deepens further. In an era where buyers already pay thousands to bid on vehicles, some enthusiasts are reportedly forking over even more to engage in pre-bid chats with notorious tire kickers. “There’s nothing quite like shelling out extra cash to talk to folks who aren’t serious about buying,” stated one long-time user. “It’s the automotive equivalent of bringing your friend to sell your car so he can help drive the price up.”

Cars & Bids, by charging for what free sites offer without a fee, seems to be rewriting the rulebook on value. “We’re not just selling cars—we’re selling an experience,” the spokesperson declared. In a market where exclusivity is engineered and artificial, this latest fee increase stands as a testament to the company’s commitment to premium mediocrity. After all, why settle for free when you can pay?