"...the super wagons get preferential treatment."

INDEPENDENCE—Historians have made a discovery in automotive culture: the first-ever Cars & Coffee event can be traced back to the Oregon Trail. While modern enthusiasts gather in strip mall parking lots to admire overpriced builds and spill lattes, pioneers were already engaging in a strikingly similar ritual—except with wagons, boiled coffee, and dysentery.

“The evidence is undeniable,” said historian Dr. Miguel Navarro. “Settlers would gather at sunrise, admire each other’s covered wagons, and argue over which oxen setup provided the best power-to-weight ratio.”

According to newly uncovered journals, these early Cars & Coffee meetups followed a familiar pattern. Wagon owners would show off custom mods—larger wheels, and onboard ferry, reinforced axles, or extra rations flexed in the back—before embarking on a treacherous journey westward. Unfortunately, just like today’s events, the super wagons get preferential treatment.

“My great-great-grandfather attended the first recorded meetup,” said local researcher Jacob Jedediah. “He was really proud of his hand-carved wagon suspension. But, as with any Cars & Coffee, disaster struck when someone got a little too confident. Some guy with a fully loaded wagon, pulled by a mustang, whipped his horses, tried peeling out, and immediately ran into some spectators. Classic.”

Despite the dangers, the tradition carried on, evolving into the modern spectacle of rev-happy cars and overpriced espresso. “In a way, nothing has changed,” said automotive historian Elena Vasquez. “Back then, Drowned in a river or shit your brains out. Now, an 'influencer' will sit on your hood to take a picture or get roasted for rocking rep wheels. The spirit remains.”

As the Cars & Coffee phenomenon continues, experts predict that, much like the Oregon Trail, attendees will keep showing up, making poor decisions, and watching helplessly as some guy loses everything in a series of bad mods.