"Some enthusiasts are intrigued by the idea."

COLORADO—Mount Everest authorities have announced a ban on all hiking and climbing activities, instead introducing automotive hill climbs as the new, “safer” way to conquer the world’s tallest peak. The decision comes as part of a rebranding effort to distance Everest from its reputation as a perilous destination.

“Safety has always been a concern,” said Everest Tourism Board spokesperson Tenzing Sherpa. “With the number of fatalities among hikers and climbers rising each season, we had to rethink our approach. By replacing hiking with hill climb races, we’re significantly reducing the risks.”

The new policy will see purpose built race cars take on specially designed routes that weave around the mountain’s treacherous slopes. Organizers promise safety measures such as haystack guardrails and crazy fans on the edge of the circuit. Some enthusiasts are intrigued by the idea.

“I’ve always wanted to challenge Everest, but who wants to climb?” said Juan Herrera, an avid race car driver from California. “Now, I get to drive my fully kitted Porsche up the mountain. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience without all the walking, shitting in a bad, and frostbite.”

However, critics argue that replacing hiking with automotive hill climbs could have unintended consequences, including Hollywood movies produced by Vin Diesel and Lower Sales for Patagonia. “Mount Everest is a sacred site,” said activist Lhakpa Choden. “Turning it into a racetrack for cars threatens the fragile ecosystem and disrespects the mountain’s cultural significance. Only we're allowed to do that.”

Still, officials remain hopeful. “We know it’s unconventional, but we’re committed to making Everest a safer yet thrilling destination,” Tenzing Sherpa added. “Who knows? Maybe this will become the new standard for adventure.”

As car enthusiasts gear up for this new challenge, only time will tell if Everest’s latest venture succeeds in redefining mountaineering.