Known for its unique ability to seek out and obliterate people, places, and things.

DEARBORN, MI—Economists are calling it “a mystical synchronized nosedive,” sales of the Ford Mustang dropped 31.6% in the first quarter of 2025—and, in a totally unrelated development, curb repair services across the U.S. have also reported a 31.6% drop in business.

The coincidence has left analysts, city planners, and at least three independent tire shops completely baffled.

“We thought we were just having a slow season,” said Randall McBride, who owns McBride Concrete in San Antonio. “Then someone sent me a chart showing Mustang sales, and I was like… oh. Yeah.”

The iconic American muscle car has long been known not just for its power, but for its unique ability to seek out and obliterate people, places, and things—curbs, trees, cars and the occasionally crowd—especially when they're on any street ever.

“When a Mustang downshifts outside or inside a parking lot, we brace,” said local witness Alex Castillo. “There’s always that moment when you hear the rev, and you just instinctively turn to see who’s about to look like an idiot.”

Ford, while acknowledging the sales drop, denies any connection to the nationwide slowdown in curb-related damage. “These figures are purely economic,” said Ford spokesperson Denise Holloway. “Interest rates, market forces, and consumer trends are at play. It has absolutely nothing to do with the Mustang’s long-standing rivalry with car control.”

But for curb contractors, the relationship is clear. “We used to get at least thirty-two calls a week,” said Marvin Green of Westside Concrete Repair in Sacramento. “Every time there was a Cars & Coffee event, I’d see my bank account light up. But now? Crickets.”

Some shops are already pivoting. “We’re diversifying into Camaro rear fender repair,” McBride said. “It’s not the same, but they hit stuff too.”

Meanwhile, Mustang owners are feeling the shift. “People joke, but we’re trying to change,” said James O’Neil, who drives a 2019 GT. “I haven’t hit a single curb in two years. Just a cone. And a bush. And a fence once, but it was low.”

As Mustang sales continue to slump, so too does the fragile economy of concrete corners and city planter boxes. One curb repair union even filed for stimulus consideration under “emotional support infrastructure.”

Whether the market rebounds or not, cities nationwide are enjoying an unexpected side benefit: fewer tire marks in parking lot exits, and for now, slightly safer sidewalks.

Until, of course, Tesla drivers start trusting Elon's self-driving again.