"It’s amazing what a little urgency can do for productivity—and tool sales."

CALABASAS—In a move to boost sales, Harbor Freight announced this week that all new jack stands will come equipped with built-in timers, to nudge project car owners to buy more tools and finish their project cars.

“We realized our customers needed a little motivation,” said Harbor Freight spokesperson Karen Delgado. “A lot of these cars go up on stands and never come back down. With our new timed system, once the clock runs out, the stands lower automatically. It’s amazing what a little urgency can do for productivity—and tool sales.”

Enthusiasts are already scrambling to prepare. “Look, I wasn’t actually planning on working on my car anytime soon,” admitted Joel Martinez, whose Nissan 240SX has been on stands since the Obama administration. “Now I’ve got six hours to figure out why my transmission is smoking? This is harassment.”

Mechanics, however, have been more supportive of the idea. “Honestly, it’s genius,” said Elena Ruiz of Ruiz Auto Repair. “Project cars are like bad roommates. They just sit there, take up space, and collect dust. Maybe now people will finally finish what they started—or at least spend money bringing it to us for repairs.”

Despite early concerns about safety and, well, logic, Harbor Freight insists the feature is fully compliant with industry standards, offering customers the option to choose from 2-hour, 6-hour, or “good luck” modes. Harbor freight has confirmed that there is no permanent mode.

“Think of it like an escape room,” Delgado added. “Except the only way out is rebuilding your entire front suspension before the clock hits zero. And if you don’t? Well, good luck.”