"You clicked ‘Buy It Now’ six times this week..."

BERKELEY—A groundbreaking study has revealed that a car enthusiast's financial ruin can now be predicted with near-perfect accuracy—simply by analyzing their browser history. Conducted over five years, researchers found a direct correlation between repeated searches like “cheap forged wheels” and complete financial collapse.

“Our model is incredibly precise,” said Dr. Angela Ruiz, lead researcher on the project. “Once someone Googles ‘LS swap cost breakdown’ more than three times in a month, we can estimate the exact day they’ll be applying for a personal loan. At that point, it’s not if—it’s how broke they’re willing to get.”

The study identified common warning signs, including late-night searches for discontinued aero kits, bulk orders of questionable eBay parts, and hours spent watching tutorials on how to DIY carbon fiber. “It’s honestly impressive,” said Javier Ortega, who participated in the study. “One week I’m looking up how to tune a stock ECU, and the next I’m selling my couch to pay for overnight shipping on a turbo I didn’t need. Science is real.”

Financial experts warn that enthusiasts are becoming increasingly desensitized to the risks. “They see the cart total hit four digits and think, ‘At least it’s not five,’” said consultant Maria Chen. “Meanwhile, they’re 48 hours away from explaining to their landlord why the rent money turned into coilovers.”

As the findings circulate, some enthusiasts have tried to clean up their search histories in hopes of avoiding the grim predictions. But as Dr. Ruiz noted, it’s already too late. “Deleting your history won’t change the outcome,” she said. “We already know the truth. You clicked ‘Buy It Now’ six times this week. We’re just waiting for the repo truck.”